Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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