i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
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