I wish i was in the wii world.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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