I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
