Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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