I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
