looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
