Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
