Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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