I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
