i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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