you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
