So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
