i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
