i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
