i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
