Don't you send me to vm
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
