All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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