I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
