how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
