I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
