I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
