so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
