Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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