everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
