i don't plan on having that self control this summer
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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