As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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