seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize