At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
