you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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