I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
