I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
