I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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