Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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