I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
