He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
