if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
