Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
