if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
