You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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