my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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