He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
