He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
