Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
as a side note pls kill me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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