Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
