In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
