I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
