You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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