Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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