Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
