I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
