My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
