so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
