yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
