We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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