I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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