apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
