Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
