would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
