He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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