What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
