You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
