Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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