Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
