I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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