I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
