I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
