3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
