Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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