it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
